New Years Resolution-ers: I have a bone to pick with you

sweet.

i just realized that this is the time of year where i get to spend 20+ minutes walking around the gym aimlessly waiting for my machine to be freed up by the hundreds of people who have finally decided to dust off their gym memberships. gotta love new years resolution time.

well pardon my backfat, i've been using that machine for the last 3 months. that very one you are breathing all over right now. no i will not go find another. that beast is mine for 30-45 minutes on monday, wednesday, and saturday. cant we just fast forward a month when you won't be here, forcing me to park in the very back of the parking lot heaven forbid i have to walk 50 yards further to my cardio machine. let's just pretend you tried really hard because lord knows I was you in January 2007, 8 and 9.

because you know what, you look fine anyway. im the one with an entire wardrobe in the basement of the clothes that used to fit. that combined with the fact that im too cheap to go buy new slacks when there is a perfectly good pair of 6's waiting patiently for me. and they were $70. and they've already been hemmed to match my shortness. and you don't really intend to get sweaty anyways in your juicy couture pantsuit.

speaking of. now that im on the subject and clearly on a fatroll here. what ever happened to women that sweat? clearly im the only one, that 1 out of 5 on the secret commericals. except i really don't need prescription strength deodorent because i don't really sweat an abnormal amount under there, i just happen to sweat the kind of entire body sweat that makes dry-wear the greatest invention since clear roll-on.

anyway, as i was saying. i'm the one that would otherwise be dripping sweat on that machine you're using. If that grosses you out, im sorry. but i'm in desperately fat-kicking times right now. and this is not my new years resolution. this is week 12 of the higher energy, lower carb, less flabby but still lovable me.