Vacations Part 1

I have a confession. Ready? Good. The truth is there are few things I enjoy less than going camping. There, I said it. Cavity filling? No problem. Just give me some novocaine and my ipod. Sleeping in the woods? HUGE problem. I'm not sure why when as an environmental engineer, my job more or less consists of minimizing effects of development on our natural resources through proper planning and design... And yet when an opportunity arises to spend good, quality time in that environment, I'll make up every excuse in the book to avoid it.

Certain things just lost their illusion of fun and mystery once I reached 14. Like puberty. And everything that had to do with high school. If people are born with straight teeth, they don't get braces. If people have a home with a comfortable bed, they don't sleep outside on the ground, with rocks in their back. I know you see my logic.

There were a couple good memories I had of camping, and they had to do with cute boys and food. Surprise. I know how much my family would LOVE for me to relay story of being 12 or 13 and having a massive crush on the kids camp guy and literally collapsing in disbelief when he mentioned his girlfriend. Mellodramatic much? Well it makes for a good story, and I don't embarass easily thanks to growing up around my father, I've had lots of practice in that department! Love you, Dad ;)

The other memories involved playing board games and eating turkey sandwiches and cheesecake on my birthday, which always coincided with the annual camping trip with the family. There was never really a dramatic turn for me, I just know by the time I reached 14, the fun and escape of camping was overshadowed by sheer discomfort of being dirty all the time, walking with a flashlight to the bathroom, and the bugs. Dare I say it... I'm far too girly for camping.

Yes, I know, nowadays everybody owns an air mattress, as if to say they can enjoy nature without roughing it. But panicking and carefully contorting my body while I remove my shoes to avoid getting dirt or bugs into the tent...guess what... is still roughing it! Not to mention if there are no flushable toilets and you have to resort to the portapotties. I'm not usually a freak about where I go, but having to manage the flashlight, bugs, and dirt all the way to the portapotty is enough to stop my bowels in their tracks for the duration. And people have the audacity to call this a vacation?!

What ever happened to renting a beach house... taking a roadtrip. cabins in tahoe. You can even do yosemite if you need to become one with nature... and then at night relax in the comfort of a hotel and NOT the little shacks with the cloth door like we did on the 8th grade class trip.

So needless to say whenever the subject of camping comes up around friends, family, or colleagues I cant help but grimace knowing I'm about to crush their excitement and betray both my family traditions and my profession. It's not even that I can't live without cable and my blow dryer, either. It probably comes down to knowing I can't really relax unless I'm actually comfortable. It may be girly but at least I choose to opt out of any camping trip that is longer than one night to save my friends/family from having to experience the dirty, uncomfortable, stopped up version of myself. Trust me, it's not cute.